100 workout

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10

Um. So, yesterday was pretty eventful.

- The girlfriend and I finally called it quits.

Yup.
It's perplexing because I don't know how I feel about it. I mean I know I am sad, mostly because she was pretty darn close to perfect. But it's not like, sad sad. Know what I mean? I won't be surprised if you don't since I don't get it either.

So anyway, slept at 9am last night did anyone say nocturnal?

I've never been so motivated though. Bp-ed yesterday since there really wasn't any other way to deal with it... sort of. I don't get it. I don't understand myself. Wish there was a mind reader.

The plan now is to just eat as little as humanly possible, preferably below 150 cals a day. (Which means I cannot consume anymore food today) or fast. Forever and ever until I disappear. My zest for life is lacking, can you tell? I just feel so inhuman, sort of like a robot. Do I have a heart?

- I had a chat with the best friend in Melbourne.

It has been such a long while. Refreshing. We've never really been the closest since we've both got other friends but the both of us have known each other since we were 11. That should definitely account for something.

She told me that her gut tells her _ & I would eventually end up together. _ is another girl altogether. It's a long, tedious story so let's just leave it as that.

Can I be honest here? Okay. Honestly, no thank you very much.

She makes me feel inadequate and unattractive, resulting in a maaaajor inferior complex around her. I am pretty certain it's a height thing. Tall people intimidate me (yet, I am so attracted to them, sadistic). Anyway, bottom line - never in a million years. I like it how we're both friends. Friends is good. Very good.

09

It doesn't make sense. Was such a good girl yesterday. Ate little, went through the taxing process of the salt water flush, exercised even! But this morning I woke up 1kg (2lbs) heavier. 44.8 - 45.6

WHUUUT.

This upsets me. Going to work even harder today. 150 cals or less.

Losertown.org has this fun little thing where you can put down your stats and amount of exercise you do. It'll calculate the speed of your weight loss by the week. Which means I'll get to my goal weight by... mid-June if I stick to a 300cal diet. Going to abide by that, or maybe even lesser. I don't exercise much, so I chose 'sedentary couch potato'. Trying to increase it but I'm so afraid of muscle and I get faint so easily.

Anyway, I am determined to make today work.

The plan is to have coffee for breakfast, 10 grapes for lunch (30), 4 bites of おにぎり for dinner (100?). So a total of 130 calories. Also, exercise for an hour on the threadmill - 80.

Die

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