08

Arrived on the night of the 16th after a 14hr long flight with a 4hr transit in Dubai. As expected, my family planned a Chinese New Year steamboat dinner where I had to sit at the same table as the person. If not for my sister, I would have shriveled up and died from her poison fumes. Basically, the both of us ignored her.

Yesterday was also the day I learnt that my parents have :
● Given her braces when she doesn't need it and is now taking for granted by not upholding her appointments with the dentist. Surprise, surprise.
● Paid for her school fees for the 3rd time. It costs $17,000 for a year. The last time, it was $10,000 and she stopped going after 3 months. Needless to say, she failed her Os for the 2nd time.
● She hasn't been eating at all. Which puts me in panic mode, for obvious reasons.
● She has been feigning panic attacks, just because she knows my sister and I have them. Lame.


It angers me, how my parents are so useless when it comes to disciplining her. They do nothing to correct her behaviour / mentality, blaming their age, saying they're growing old and no longer have the energy. Talk about irresponsible. I told my mother that if she continues to spoil the person, it would no longer be just the person's fault, but my parents as well. To which she responded with, 'you never know, she might just grow up to be richer than you.'

Ouch.

I mean, I don't expect to be rich, because I don't really care that much for money anyway. What really matters to me is doing something that I love and doing it for life - design. But to have my mother say that the person might grow up to be richer than me translates to 'more successful' and that hurts. See why I was dreading coming back home?

Nothing good ever happens here. My self esteem depletes rapidly, and my motivation to live disappears altogether.

Why do I try so hard when it is all useless?

Starting the Master Cleanse today. I need something to focus on to distract me from all this emotional discomfort. Any moment now and I will break.