100 workout

Yoga postures

Cute graphics as well!

10

Um. So, yesterday was pretty eventful.

- The girlfriend and I finally called it quits.

Yup.
It's perplexing because I don't know how I feel about it. I mean I know I am sad, mostly because she was pretty darn close to perfect. But it's not like, sad sad. Know what I mean? I won't be surprised if you don't since I don't get it either.

So anyway, slept at 9am last night did anyone say nocturnal?

I've never been so motivated though. Bp-ed yesterday since there really wasn't any other way to deal with it... sort of. I don't get it. I don't understand myself. Wish there was a mind reader.

The plan now is to just eat as little as humanly possible, preferably below 150 cals a day. (Which means I cannot consume anymore food today) or fast. Forever and ever until I disappear. My zest for life is lacking, can you tell? I just feel so inhuman, sort of like a robot. Do I have a heart?

- I had a chat with the best friend in Melbourne.

It has been such a long while. Refreshing. We've never really been the closest since we've both got other friends but the both of us have known each other since we were 11. That should definitely account for something.

She told me that her gut tells her _ & I would eventually end up together. _ is another girl altogether. It's a long, tedious story so let's just leave it as that.

Can I be honest here? Okay. Honestly, no thank you very much.

She makes me feel inadequate and unattractive, resulting in a maaaajor inferior complex around her. I am pretty certain it's a height thing. Tall people intimidate me (yet, I am so attracted to them, sadistic). Anyway, bottom line - never in a million years. I like it how we're both friends. Friends is good. Very good.

09

It doesn't make sense. Was such a good girl yesterday. Ate little, went through the taxing process of the salt water flush, exercised even! But this morning I woke up 1kg (2lbs) heavier. 44.8 - 45.6

WHUUUT.

This upsets me. Going to work even harder today. 150 cals or less.

Losertown.org has this fun little thing where you can put down your stats and amount of exercise you do. It'll calculate the speed of your weight loss by the week. Which means I'll get to my goal weight by... mid-June if I stick to a 300cal diet. Going to abide by that, or maybe even lesser. I don't exercise much, so I chose 'sedentary couch potato'. Trying to increase it but I'm so afraid of muscle and I get faint so easily.

Anyway, I am determined to make today work.

The plan is to have coffee for breakfast, 10 grapes for lunch (30), 4 bites of おにぎり for dinner (100?). So a total of 130 calories. Also, exercise for an hour on the threadmill - 80.

Die

Pretty things

Real life shots

3 foods that boost metabolism

(via mythinreflection)

Milk~ contains calcium, which acts as a metabolic trigger (helps boost metabolism). A University of Tennessee study found that dieters who consumed 1,200 to 1,300 mg of calcium daily lost almost twice as much weight as dieters who ingested less calcium. Also, drinking a cold glass of milk helps you burn calories, since your body needs to heat up the milk using energy.

Green Tea~ has a chemical called EGCG that causes the brain and nervous system to run faster and helps you burn more calories. Researchers found this out, along with the great news that you don’t have to engage in exercise for this to happen; it occurs when your body is at rest. In other words, drinking a cup of green tea before bed can help you burn more calories in your sleep.

Grapefruit~ The grapefruit diet is not a myth. Eating half a grape fruit a day can really help, especially at breakfast. Grapefruit is a NEGATIVE CALORIE FOOD which means it takes more calories to digest the food than are actually in the food. Studies indicate that the unique chemical properties in this vitamin C-packed citrus fruit reduce insulin levels, which promotes weight loss and boost metabolism.

You know you're anorexic when...

● You automatically add up the calories in every food item you see whether you have to eat it or not, even if you are watching tv.

● Your best friend/boyfriend/sister/brother, etc. is eating and you're sitting there watching them going, "Is that good? Is the cheese all melty and stuff? Did you put sour cream on it?" etc. while never touching the stuff yourself.

● You love Math and adding and planning your calorie day makes you feel like you are doing a puzzle. You don't just pile it together but try to make sectioned logical meals.

● You could make a candy bar last a week if you stuck to your calorie intake.

● You drink so much water that you go to the bathroom every fifteen minutes.

● The idea of drinking a non-diet soda is just plain ludicrous and hideous to you.

● When coffee becomes a meal in itself.

● When your acting to avoid food and suspicion deserves an academy award...best actress, longest running movie...

● You don’t own a single food item without “low-fat” or “non-fat” in the title.

● You can never find a watch that stays on right.

● You can remember how many calories you had 5 days ago, but have no idea where you put your car keys.

● You enjoy doing chores because they burn calories.

● You check your vitamin labels for calories.

● You convince everyone around you that you're either vegan, vegetarian, lactose-intolerant, or diabetic. Bonus points if you convince them you are all of the above.

● You watch cooking shows the way other people watch horror movies.

● You don’t think any of the above things are strange.

● You walk around in winter in shorts and tank tops inside without the heaters on eating ice and claim you're not cold.

● The thought of eating a full plate of food gives you nightmares.

● Chocolate and Satan are starting to level out.

● Given the name of any girl in your year at school or any teacher, you can instantly say whether they are thinner or fatter than you... and they're all thinner.

● When your best friend says 'I'm sooooo hungry!' and you feel like saying... 'You call that hungry? I haven't eaten for 40 hours!!! GRRRR...' (but you don't).

● When your best friend is a size 14 and you're a size 8, but you're still fatter than she is.

● When you think, I wish I didn't live with my parents so I could get on with starving myself in peace.

● When you relish in the fact that your stomach is empty and is growling at you when everybody else complains.

● You can recite calories in all the foods you eat.

● You chew your food 20 times or more.

● You hold your breath when walking in a forbidden aisle at the store.

● Your addicted to your scale/measuring tape.

● You cut an apple into 8ths and eat one piece through out the day.

● Your wrapped up in a blanket when its 85+ outside.

● Cringe when you see fat (more so than you) people.

● You assume that everyone around you is lying/tricking you.

● You believe all mirrors are just like fun house mirrors.

● You can't remember things for shit.

● Takes you a long ass time to think of something to say/respond.

● Can wear little girl's underwear (size 16 and below!)

● When you can spot another Ana miles away.

● When your cabinet is stalked with Green Tea.

● You feel like screaming when you gain half a pound from drinking a glass of water.

● You have to schedule times with different friends so your excuse of "I already ate" will fly

● You're on more "supplements" than Mark McGuire

● You plan strategic "eating" times so that people will think you are constantly stuffing your face

● You fill a carriage of food at the grocery store and put it all back, leaving wtih nothing.

● You spend 20 bucks on a meal and don't put any of it in your mouth.

● You automatically count calories as soon as you take a bite of something. ("One cracker is 12 calories, and this bite was about half. 6 calories so far...")

● You spend more than an hour in a grocery store on more than one occasion your mom refuses to go grocery shopping with you

● You think 30 calories is alot for a drink

● You're mortally afraid of poptarts and whole milk

● When you think that 100 calories for one meal is to much

● When you leave your grocery cart in the middle of the aisle because it has to much food in it (a box of saltines, diet sobe, and a bag of wow potato chips)

● You can't sleep at night because your worried that rice cake is gonna make you fatter if you sleep

● When you have perfected making the smallest amount of food look huge.

● You intentionally buy clothes that are a size smaller then what you currently are.

● When you intentionally park the car in the furtherest parking bay just so you can walk further.

● When you put your dumbbells/extra books in your ruksack so its heavier because you figure the more cals burned the better.

● When you have to talk to yourself to find out if you can eat, only to end up with an upgrade to only having a glass of water.

● You have more cookbooks than your local bookstore.

● You relish the feeling of hunger because you know that you are doing something right.

● When you weigh yourself whenever you can hoping to see even a quarter of a pound dropped.

● When you've noticed that you've gained a pound and start exercising mad-style as soon as you get off the scale.

● When you have to shop for your clothes in the children's section.

● When your thighs don't touch together when you're walking.

● When you worry for days about the party youre gonna have in school and how you can avoid looking stupid by not eating, but cant eat because than youll get fat

● Uncontrollable shaking from not eating is a good sign that you've been "good"

● Your mood depends on if you've eaten that day or not

● The meals you do eat are consumed in front of friends and/or family so they'll think you're eating...spend an excessive amount of time preparing a 60 calorie meal to make it seem like more.

● When you finally do eat something with a substantial amount of calories...it comes right back up or goes right through you.

● Your worth is based on the number the scale flashes at you.

08

Arrived on the night of the 16th after a 14hr long flight with a 4hr transit in Dubai. As expected, my family planned a Chinese New Year steamboat dinner where I had to sit at the same table as the person. If not for my sister, I would have shriveled up and died from her poison fumes. Basically, the both of us ignored her.

Yesterday was also the day I learnt that my parents have :
● Given her braces when she doesn't need it and is now taking for granted by not upholding her appointments with the dentist. Surprise, surprise.
● Paid for her school fees for the 3rd time. It costs $17,000 for a year. The last time, it was $10,000 and she stopped going after 3 months. Needless to say, she failed her Os for the 2nd time.
● She hasn't been eating at all. Which puts me in panic mode, for obvious reasons.
● She has been feigning panic attacks, just because she knows my sister and I have them. Lame.


It angers me, how my parents are so useless when it comes to disciplining her. They do nothing to correct her behaviour / mentality, blaming their age, saying they're growing old and no longer have the energy. Talk about irresponsible. I told my mother that if she continues to spoil the person, it would no longer be just the person's fault, but my parents as well. To which she responded with, 'you never know, she might just grow up to be richer than you.'

Ouch.

I mean, I don't expect to be rich, because I don't really care that much for money anyway. What really matters to me is doing something that I love and doing it for life - design. But to have my mother say that the person might grow up to be richer than me translates to 'more successful' and that hurts. See why I was dreading coming back home?

Nothing good ever happens here. My self esteem depletes rapidly, and my motivation to live disappears altogether.

Why do I try so hard when it is all useless?

Starting the Master Cleanse today. I need something to focus on to distract me from all this emotional discomfort. Any moment now and I will break.

07

I am a failure.

06

The hold ups I bought from ASOS arrived today. My legs are so disgustingly fat and short that they look terrible on me. I'm not even exaggerating. They really do.

Numbers are stagnant for now. 95 / 43.1. I'm trying not to freak out too much and just stay focused. Felt really nauseous and almost fainted last night which is never a good sign so I had some oranges 66 (partially purged), a Milk Choc Digestive 84 & 1 slice of toast with thin layer of butter 115. My body could function without fainting after that so I headed out to get some Dulcolax.

Every time I think about going home, my stomach does a little flip. Not in a good way. Aren't people supposed to be happy when they get to see their family? I love my family. But we don't get along. There is too much drama within us. Too much tension.

And then there's my nemesis. If she wasn't living with us, it wouldn't be so bad. My parents do not care about what I feel or how much it hurts. I think that's the problem. No one seems to care about my feelings, not that they're worth anything really. They're not to blame anyway, since I can barely voice my thoughts / express my emotions adequately.

Types of Apples

Reality check

❤

b&w4